just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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