the condom got lost in my hair
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
