When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
