whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize