Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Randomize
