I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
