Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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