p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
