I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
