Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
