I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
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