I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
