Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
