you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
