She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize