apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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