angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
