he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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