Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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