hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
