I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
