Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
