She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
