Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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