He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
