Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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