My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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