he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize