i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
