If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
