i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
