my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
