After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
