you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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