Edward fifth and chaser hands
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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