She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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