all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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