she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
