Screwed.edu
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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