I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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