Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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