he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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