All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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