eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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