Don't make out with my wife yet
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
worst night to have a conscience
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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