I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Randomize
