Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
