I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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