what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
