I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
