No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is Oprah even human
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
