She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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