he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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