considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
