No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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