My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
