the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
