Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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