What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
