we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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