Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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