im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
