Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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