i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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