god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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