Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
